Doing What Little I Can

   Second physio session today, and I've booked my cortisol injection for my right shoulder for next Tuesday, its loosening up a bit and I'm getting some ROM back which is nice. Gonna get the physio to check out my back / tight hamstrings / screwy groin muscle when I'm sore from that injection and hopefully I can deal with some of the pain there and get some flexibility in my hamstrings - I'm almost sure they exacerbate the issue in my lower back.

   When I go on a run to woollies there are two types of mindsets I'm in: buying junk food or buying healthy food. There are no exceptions, and I think it reflects a little on the kind of eater that I am. I'm all or nothing and that fucking sucks, I know if I cheat on a meal or if I eat something sweet it just makes things that much worse, and eventually I just binge eat. When I'm not watching what I eat, I feel like shit because all I eat is cereal, bread, sugar, chocolate and maybe a 40% chance that I'll eat dinner rather than just snacking on some more shit food. When I am watching what I eat I'll eat really clean - like I am now: chicken, rice, green beans, peas, carrots, broccoli, avocado, eggs, fish, protein shakes. But again, I feel like shit. Not a few hours goes by where I don't think "Hey, how good would it feel to grab a meatbox right now" or "I just finished work, and Maccas is around the corner". Fuck that, I know when I'm finished I'm just going to regret it because it was unnecessary and I will physically feel bad because of the low grade of food. Yet its so enticing when I'm devoid of it in my diet. I'm just going to keep the mentality that I physically am not allowed to eat any shitty food - not "I won't eat that", "I CAN'T eat that".

     I had so many years of terrible eating, during high school I'd have cereal if I had time, maybe grab a toasted cheese sandwhich at the canteen and for a period lunch was a donut and a bottle of coke. If I felt like it I'd grab a packet of doritos on the way back home, though probably not more than once or twice a week and if I felt hungry at home then I'd make a nutella sandwhich, or 3 (with a shit ton of nutella). Eat whatever was available for dinner and then snack on anything sugary if it was around. And that shit just got worse when I had more disposable income - and even worse when I finally got my Ps and Woollies opened up near me. I've been trying to eat well on and off since late last year and no matter how many times I fuck up I know I need to change this because there is no way I can eat like this for the rest of my life.

    I want to play in a basketball league again. I really miss being at the gym or doing any exercise at all, I don't know how other people manage to spend their days not moving and not doing any physical activity but. it. fucking. sucks.